Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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