Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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