I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
