Only a mothe r could love this liver
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
