i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize