i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
