so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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