Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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