Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
