Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
