need another drink. this is the easiest way
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
