she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
