Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize