that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
