Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
