I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
