Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
