Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
