I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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