Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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