I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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