Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
