We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
