I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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