with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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