she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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