I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
