apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
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