Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
