I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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