The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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