I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
