You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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