Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up under a house in Key West
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