I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
