Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize