You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I did not marry a roomba.
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