Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize