i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize