its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize