I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
