i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
