i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
