You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
