oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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