Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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