from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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