Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
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