but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
