whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
