Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
