My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Can you bring me the toilet please
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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