I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
