I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i need some magic done to my vagina
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
