Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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