How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
