Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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