theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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