i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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