That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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