just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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