Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
