Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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