if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
