he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
