So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
