I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize