it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
