I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
