i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
