I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can't turn off my feet"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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