Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
