that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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