people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
