the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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