I wish I only lived at night.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
