I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize